Did a new voice acting thing where I read reviews from the adult section here on Newgrounds. Because that would be fun I guessed. You can listen to it if you want...
Sometimes when I'm on youtube and looking at videos I search for scenes from certain comedy shows and what not, and often that leads me to other scenes I had forgotten about. Today I was loooking up some Simpsons scenes and I was sooner or later directed to the scene where Homer confesses all his sins to priest Liam Neeson.
It's a pretty funny scene and it details how ridicolusly sinful Homer is while also potraying an astrounding lack of understanding of how the catholic practice of confessing your sins actually work. Great scene, 8/10.
For some reason I got a bit obessed over one sin that Homer mentions. The one where he says that he has "masturbated 8 billion times". Obviously this is just a throw away gag and is meant to be exgerated for the sake of comedy. But did you really think I would leave it at that? No fucking way! I went and did the math, because I had nothing better to do than to overanalyze a line a cartoon about masturbation!
So first of I did some research (google some stuff) to find out how old Homer actually is and if he actually has a set age at all. I mean sure Bart, Lisa and Maggie all have set ages (10, 8 and 1 I believe Maggie is) but all the adults just same to be "adults". But wouldn't you know it Homer (and Marge) have a set age, AND THAT AGE IS... 36... Holy shit Homer you really aged bad... Anyway so here I first divide 36 by 4 to just get an assumption of how many leapyears Homer has lived through, which by the way is 9. Then I multiplied 366 by 9 (3294) and 365 by 27 (9855) and then of course added them up to find out roughly how many days Homer might have lived up until now and it turns it should be somewhere around 13149 days. So the next simply step would be to divide the time wanked by the numbers of days lived to get a rough estimate of how many times he jerks it each day, and he jerks it about... 608411 TIMES A DAY!? Holy fucking hell Homer!
But wait I forgot something, by these calculations it's assumed that came out of the womb masturbating, and while this is a cartoon comedy I doubt that would be the case. So lets take away some years and start counting instead from where he might have realisticly started masturbating to the point of climaxing. Because really jerking for the sake of jerking it ain't the same thing. But lets say he started to geniuenly mastrbate at the age of 13. Again divide by 4 to get the leapyears in (even though it might not be entirely accurate) which is like 3 and do the multiply thingy I did before. So those 13 years comes up to roughly 4745 days so lets subtract them for the total of Homers days lived and we get 8404 days. Now we can again divide the times wanked by the days plausibly spent fapping and we get and estimate at... 951927 TIMES MASTURBATED EACH FUCKING DAY!!!
I... I don't even know what to say... That's a lot of masturbating going... I mean how is it even feasible? Is it even? I mean it must take up a lot of time each day to just masturbate right? Actually lets find out just how much time Homer spends on masturbating each day!
So it's not really easy to figure out how much time one person spend on each wank, because we are all diffirent and also not every wank take the same amount of time. Hell I myself can attest to that sometimes I can cum really fast and sometimes it longer than 10 minutes. But we are going to assume that a normal wank takes about 3 minutes to reach climax because when I did the research (looked up some questionable forum threads) a lot of guys seemed to be in that area of time. So not it is as simple to multiply 3 minutes with 951927 WANKS! And the end result is... 2855781 minutes devoted each day to just masturbating... Oh boy... Okay so now obvious next step is the convert into hours which you all should know how to do so I'm not even going to explain it. Actually most of the math I've done is not even hard to figure out really. It's just that I devoted time to actually figuring this out that is amazing. In a very depressing way... Any way using the obvious method to find out how many hours it would be we'll find out that each Homer spend 47596 hours masturbating each day... So now even the thickest of us can see that Homers that is just not feasible. He just can not have masturbated that many times. I mean even if were true he'd masturbating every time he is on the screen which to be honest would give to Simpson show a little new life. But regardless it is not possible.
Or so I thought until I realized that The Simpsons are stuck some kind of twisted cartoon purgatory. I mean they have existed since the fucking 80s and have not aged a fucking day since. Could it be that Homer is not actually lying and that because he has existe so long, perhaps even before the show began, he has had this much time to fap 8 billions times?
But what is more interesting is finding out how old he really is. Or at least how old he at least must be. So again lets take 3 minutes the time spent fapping and multiply it by 8 billion and then divide that by 60. Then we 400000000 hours. As we all know one day is 24 hours (not rly but lets keep it simple) so we just divide the above answer with 24 and we get... About 16666666(and some decimals but fuck them) days! Then again divide that by 365 (I dropped the leapyear thing now because I kind of got bored) and then we get number of years, and it is roughly... 45662 years!!!
Hoy shit Homer is super old! And remember that is just how much time he has spent on fapping and not his true age. He could be millions of years old for all we know. Man what if this is canon? Did I just figure the horrible secret of The Simpson? That they are all dammned to entirnal existence and have lived thousands and if it not millions of years? Probably not since it's just a cartoon show and this was just dumb throw away gag.
But hey that's just a theory, A FAP THEORY!
Like and subscribe for more related fap theories.
So when I hung around chat today (the day this was written) I asked people to give me lines that I would record and upload to vocaroo. Then I thought "hey lets compile all the voice clips and upload it to newgrounds", and then I did that. So... Yeah listen to it... Or don't.
So personally I hate this episode but maybe you'll like it. I don't really give a fuck I just uploaded this out of spite really because Youtube was being a bitch and wouldn''t let me upload it at first. Had to do it through *shudders* interet explorer.
Anyway here its. "Enjoy"
So I decided that I'm going to make a lets play series where I play games that are on this site. Why? I dunno, watch it though.
So awhile ago when I was in this program for unemployed people where we were taught some things and working in the service sector (retail, resturants etc) and one day they asked us to write down three impression we had gotten from eachother. Later we got a paper with all the impressions people had written down about us. I'd like to share what those people thought I was like.
Person 1 - "Funny" and "Internet person" (whatever that means)
Person 2 - "Dedicated", "Open", "Curious" "Creative" and "English speaking" (Me and another guy frequently spoke to eachother in English. One person geuinely thought we were Americans or something and asked us about it)
Person 3 - "Well-Informed", "Linguist" and "Proper" (
Person 4 - "Quiet", "Knowledgable" and "Serious"
Person 5 - "Nice" (And that's all he had to say about that...)
Person 6 - "Interested in music", "Calm" and "Spontaneous" (Pretty sure that's an oxymoron or something)
Person 7 - "Linguist" (I know like one other language apart from my nativetongue), "Funny" and "Smart"
Person 8 - "Calm" (I'm cool as a cucumber...), "Quiet" (... and also as quiet as one) and "Shy" (Weird since I'm also 'open' and 'spontaneous' as well)
Person 9 - "Introvert" (You know what they say about introvert people, they are pretty...) "Cool" and "Interested in computers" (... Not really tbh)
Person 10 - "Likes English" (that is quite true), "Nice", "Knowledgable" and "Quotes" (my and the guy I spoke english to usually quoted lines from TFS pretty much all the time... I miss that guy)
Person 11 - Techincal (The fuck? I suck at everything and anything to with tech)
Person 12 - "Wicked Moustache" (Damn straight), "Knows computer" (I don't! I just have glasses and uses them a lot!) and "Always on time" (I'm a wizard)
Person 13 - "Calm" (I guess must be), "Humorous" and "Brave" (I'm a big juicy pussy)
Person 14 - "Calm" (Okay I get it!), "Plays guitar" (I got the oppertunity to show my skills once) and "Enjoys speaking in English"
Person 15 - "Able" (ladies), "Kind" (Gents) and "Calm" (MOTHAFUCKA I'LL SHOW YOU CALM!)
Person 16 - "Good English speaker"
Person 17 - "Good English speaker" (Last guy must have copied the other guy)
So yeah that is the impression I made on a bunch of strangers.
Or don't, I really don't care.
Also here is some awesome music.
2016-03-18 06:58:23 by Mismo
This here tale is about a young handsome Swedish lad. Let's call him "Wismo". Wismo was a fan of both readning and playing awesome video games. One of those video games was "The Witcher 2: Assassin's Of Kings" and he thought it was really good (Wismo regrets to inform you that hasn't played the first Witcher which is said to also be really really good) and played through the game many times because actions and choices really do have consequences and you really have to play the game twice to get the full experince since since a path choice in the game basically turns it into two diffirent stories. Personally Wismo likes the Vergen path the best but the Kaedweni camp is also pretty good mostly because it has whore... Any way just Wismos opinion that's all.
Later Wismo found that the games are based on series of books written Andrej Sapcowksy... Sapkowsky.... Some Polish guy. So Wismo did the logical thing and bought the first book in the series called "The Last Wish" which is a collection short stories detailing the adventure of the main character "Geralt of Rivia" who is in case you hadn't guessed or just didn't know The Witcher 3 is the best thing to happen to video gaming since <insert that old game that you like> a Witcher, a monster hunting mutant badass. So anyway I read the book and quite liked it. Not really noble prize worthy but still a enjoyable read with some funny moments and some really grim and dark moments.
So now the next natural thing to do is to buy the next book. So I went online and looked for retailer that sold the English version... It dawns upon me right now that I stopped writting about Wismo. Okay I admit it, I AM WISMO!... So as I was saying I looked up the English version because the Swedish ones are horrid, but luckliy I found one place that sold the English version and I ordered and then the waiting game began.
Normally orders should be delivered within three working days so when that much time had passed I got a bit annoyed but understood that sometimes things will be late. Then a week later when it still hadn't shown I was angry but I was too busy to complain to the retailler. Then about three go by and I had almost forgotten that I ordered the book in the first place but now I took charge. I went online and complained to them! And they responed with "Oh sorry to tell but we won't be able to deliever it to you". Sadness struck me... I didn't know what to do so I went to a book store and bought some comic books (V for Vendetta and Watchmen (which I've already read but I need to own it dammit!)) to ease the pain.
Now almost another month later guess shows up in the mail?
Yeah that's right, the fucking book!
So while I'm glad that I finally got the fucking book I'm both a bit mad and confused since they said wouldn't be able to send it to me. Fucking liars! But thanks I guess.